rdj + da booty
Look at that booty, show me the booty Give me the booty, I want the booty Back up the booty, I need the booty I like that booty, Oh what a booty
(via darkly-stark)
I FOUND A TUTORIAL ON HOW TO MAKE DILDO POPSICLES IM LEGITIMATELy DYING OF LAUGHTER RN
(via rdjbutt)
About seven years ago, all my friends my age got married. And about three years after that, they all started having babies, which set into motion the idea that eventually they’re gonna have to talk about sex to their kids. And that just freaks me out. I have cats—they were broken, but now they’re fixed—so I don’t have to worry about this. However, if I had the opportunity to suddenly be confronted by my son as a young man asking me for advice about sex… with girls… this is what I would say.
One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay. (Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own. (Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.
This guy’s writing is fantastic. And also OMG STAR WARS.
Holy shit this is literally all you need to know.
(Source: marleetargaryen, via spideeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeysbutt)
oooook could have sworn I wrote somethin on here man I must be hallucinating then…another RBB for Cap-Iroman journal and I got to work with the GREAT Rainbow!!! It was a lot of fun and we had some things in common,and I anticipated her emails because this was an exciting experience for me and I loved every second of it…
I might go back and draw scenes from the five stories I got to work on with these amazing writers….^_^
here is the awesome story!! go and read it guys!!
(via stevetonyfeels)
THAT’S SUCH A FUCKING NICE SHIRT WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS LIKE I OWN THAT SHIRT AND IT’S SO COMFY AND WHAT A FUCKIN WASTE THAT IS SUCH A GOOD SHIRT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE COOOOOOL BECAUSE YOU CAN RIP A CAPTAIN AMERICA SHIRT BECAUSE I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU FIGHT SOME NAZIS THEN WE CAN TALK MR SHIRT RIPPER
Just that comment
(Source: reedisonspeed, via buttdean)
I’m so into Jeremy Renner and Hawkeye fanfics right now that I am going to slowly watch all of The Unusuals and pretend it’s Clint Barton, undercover as a NYPD cop.
I call this scene- Shit!You’re not Coulson…fuck I’m still on assignment.
(Source: shicksome, via scifigrl47)